Like We Used To
by TheBraceletGeek
Summary: Alec goes to different bars everyday and when he comes home he cries over the memory of him and Magnus together. But then he gets an invitation to one of Magnus's parties. Could this be their chance to make it right again? Sort of based on the song 'Like we used to' by A Rocket To The Moon CoLS SPOILERS!
1. Alec

**Hello!**

**I own none of the characters in this fanfiction, they are all creations by the fantastic Cassandra Clare. The only thing I own is the plot, but that is sort of based on some of the spoilers from CoHF. There are spoilers here so don't read if you haven't read CoLS.**

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"_Hello__?"_

As soon as the familiar voice answered on the other end, Alec hung up. He did this to himself everyday. He would call Magnus as many times as he had to until he answered, but as soon as he heard a voice on the other end he would hang up.

It wasn't like he didn't want to talk to Magnus, that was the reason why he actually called, it was just the fact that hearing Magnus voice made him remember the night they broke up and it made him terrified of what the voice was going to tell him this time.

Alec picked up the glass of beer in front of him and downed it all at once. Alcohol was the only thing that gave him courage enough to call Magnus, and because he called him everyday, that meant a lot of alcohol. But Alec wouldn't exactly call himself a drunk just yet. Even though he had been doing this for over two months, it hadn't affected his shadowhunter abilities. He could run as fast a he did before everything with Magnus and he was just as strong even though he didn't train as much anymore.

Alec got up from his chair and left a few dollars on the table before he walked out of the bar he had been drinking in. It was a mundane place he had never been before, and he would probably never come back. Alec tried to go to a different bar everyday, and also tried to keep himself from going to Downworlder bars. In the beginning he had tried to go to Downworlder bars, but it seemed like the whole of Downworld had heard the story about Magnus Bane, the warlock, and Alec Lightwood, the shadowhunter. It was easier in mundane bars where no one knew who he was.

The walk back to the Institute was long. Alec hated times like this when he wasn't drunk enough to not remember anything of what was bothering him. Everything he walked past reminded him of Magnus. The grass reminded him of the date they had once had just outside of Magnus apartment. The colourful leaves on the trees reminded him of Magnus colourful clothes and hair. And he could go on like that for a long time with his endless list.

When he got inside the Institute the only thing that met him was darkness. His parents and Isabelle and Jace were probably already asleep. Alec checked one of the clocks in the hallway. It was half past 2. He walked up to his bedroom, careful not to wake up any of the others. Once he was inside his bedroom he walked over to his bed and flopped down onto it. And then the tears came.

This also happened everyday after he had called Magnus. He would arrive home late and once he thought about what had actually happened, he cried. Some nights he cried for an hour, other days he cried himself to sleep and some days he didn't sleep at all because of all the crying. He really missed Magnus.

The next morning, Alec woke up wearing the same clothes as he had the day before and his eyes were stinging because of all the crying he had done through the night. He sat up in his bed and looked around him. When his gaze fell on the window he saw that something was stuck to it. A note. He got up from the bed and walked to the window. A bright purple flyer read:

_Magnus Bane, the High Warlock of Brooklyn_

_Invites to a magnificent evening you will never forget_

_This note is an invitation so if you want to come inside_

_you will have to show one of these to my doorman._

_This invitation only lets one person come through_

_And don't try anything to duplicate it, I will know._

_When there are enough people I won't let anyone else in._

_If you in any way get on my nerves I will transform you into a mouse._

_The party happens the same day you receive this flyer._

_Much love,_

_Magnus Bane._

Alec stood frozen, staring at the flyer. It must have been a coincidence that the flyer had ended up at his window. Magnus was still really angry with him and there was no way that he would invite Alec to one of his parties. No way.

But on the other hand, he did answer almost every time Alec called. Maybe there was a tiny chance that Magnus actually wanted to forgive him and had he invited him to the party so that he could do it. No. Alec couldn't be that optimistic about it or else he would just be crushed when it didn't happen.

Alec walked back to his bed and sat down on it. He really wanted to go to the party. Not because he loved partying, but he wanted to talk to Magnus. He wanted to say what he had wanted to say for two months. He wanted to see Magnus and see if he was as miserable as he himself were. He was going to go.

Once the evening approached, Alec tried to find something nicer than what he usually wore to wear to the party. He ended up finding a pair of jeans and a dark blue sweater without any holes in them and decided that was as nice as it was going to get.

He walked past Jace on the way out, but he didn't question where Alec was going. Jace was probably used to him leaving every night and he'd stopped asking where Alec was going after he had refused to answer so many times.

Once Alec was outside of Magnus door he wasn't quite sure if he had made the right choice or not, coming to the party. Sure, he had really wanted to talk to Magnus, but a fully crowded party weren't the best place to talk about how miserable Alec had felt ever since that terrible day.

Without even knowing what he was going to say when he met Magnus, Alec pushed the buzzer. He immediately regretted what he had done and was about to run away when the door opened. A guy Alec had never seen before looked at him suspiciously.

"Do you have an invitation?" the guy asked, sounding tired and a bit irritated.

Alec handed him the flyer that had been stuck to his window without a word. The guy brought it up to the light, like Alec had seen some mundanes check if their money was real, and then stepped aside so Alec could enter. Alec walked past him and straight up the stairs to Magnus apartment. The guy tried to ask him if he needed any directions but Alec just kept walking. He could have found the way to that apartment in his sleep.

Once at the door of the apartment, Alec considered for probably the hundredth time if this really was such a great idea. But then he heard Magnus voice from the other side of the door and he immediately opened it and entered.

Nothing in the apartment had changed since the last time Alec had been there. The furniture was exactly the same as they had been the day he had gone to pick up his stuff. Which was kind of weird considering Magnus usually changed his furniture at least once a week. But all thoughts of furniture were gone as soon as Alec saw Magnus.

Magnus was wearing a pair of bright purple jeans, a blue sweater with a black vest over and a pair of golden shoes. He was wearing blue, sparkly eyeliner and a dark purple lipstick. His hair stood up in its usual spikes with the ends coloured in blue and purple and some of them were also covered in glitter. He looked beautiful.

Alec knew he missed Magnus, but seeing him standing there, right in front of him looking as beautiful as ever made his heart ache. He just wanted to run to Magnus and kiss him like there was no tomorrow. But Alec knew he couldn't do that. If anything was going to be right between them again they had to talk out about what had happened and not just go straight to bed. And things were going to be right between them again.

Alec took a few steps forward and was about to go talk to Magnus when another guy went up to Magnus. Alec thought it was just one of Magnus guests, but then the guys lips were on Magnus's. Alec stopped dead. This guy that Alec had never seen before had his lips locked to Magnus, his Magnus. And the worst part was that Magnus was actually kissing him back. Alec wanted to run away but his feet wouldn't listen.

"Magnus?" Alec asked with a small voice. He hadn't expected Magnus to hear him, and if he did he would probably just ignore him. But then Magnus turned around and Alec was suddenly staring straight into his eyes. Just like magic Alec's feet would listen again and he ran out of the party.

He ran away from the apartment, the building, the guy he had never seen before and he ran away from Magnus. He had believed that the reason the flyer had been stuck to his window was because Magnus wanted to talk to him and maybe even forgive him. But no, that was definitely not what he had wanted. Either the flyer had just been stuck to his window by chance, or Magnus had wanted Alec to see that he had moved on and was completely done with him. Alec was really hoping his first guess was the right one.

Before he knew it, Alec was standing outside the Institute. He could see lights from the hallway, which meant that someone was probably inside there and that someone was going to see him cry. He tried to wipe the tears away from his eyes but they just kept pouring out. Alec decided to go inside anyways. He regretted it as soon as he did it.

The first thing he saw when he entered the Institute was Clary and Jace locked in a passionate embrace. He tried to avoid looking at them, but he couldn't quite take his eyes off of the couple. The worst part was that he didn't see Clary and Jace; he saw Magnus and that other guy.

He ran up the stairs to his bedroom. Once inside, he flung himself onto the floor and just lay there, sobbing and feeling as bad as he had the first few nights after the breakup. He couldn't get himself to stop crying and he didn't care if his parents or Isabelle or Jace heard him. He was too heartbroken to care.

After a while he couldn't just lie there anymore. He had to get some answers from Magnus. But Alec couldn't call him and there was no way he was going to go back to the apartment.

Alec pushed himself off of the floor and went to sit by his desk. He figured that if he couldn't talk to Magnus on the phone or in person he would have to write him a letter. And so he did.

He sat at his desk through the whole night, writing and erasing, crumbling up papers and straightening them out again. When the morning came he was finally finished with a letter where he felt like he had expressed everything he wanted to say to Magnus. About Camille, about how he had just wanted to know about Magnus, how he had only considered Camille's offer because he didn't want to be yet another one of Magnus's lovers and how he knew that Magnus had moved on but he just couldn't get himself to do the same.

After reading through his letter again and again Alec went into the hall and found Jace. He asked Jace if he could somehow deliver the letter to Magnus. At first Jace asked why he wanted to send Magnus a letter instead of just going to his apartment and talk to him, but then he noticed the tears that were forming in Alec's eyes and he promised to get the letter to Magnus. Alec thanked Jace and went back to his room.

Once he was back in his room again he lay down onto his bed and relaxed for the first time in two months. He wasn't sure what Magnus was going to say, but at least he had gotten to explain himself, and that was the only thing that really mattered to him at the point.

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**Thank you so much if you have read this fanfiction. I really appreciate it. I think I might write two more chapters, one from Magnus POV and one that is the letter**

**-TheBraceletGeek**


	2. Magnus

**A/N: Thank you guys so much for the response on the first chapter! I'm sorry it took two weeks for me to write the next chapter, but I really wanted to make it as good as I could. Thank you to everyone who's taking their time to read my story :)  
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"Hello?"

Magnus had answered his phone as soon as he saw the name Alec pop up. But as soon as he said hello, Alec hung up on him. This happened every time Alec called, and he had been calling every day the last two months.

Magnus put his phone down and went into the kitchen. He walked by the coffee machine that Alec had bought so many months ago, trying not to acknowledge it. Magnus just couldn't get himself to get rid of the machine; because that was the last thing he had left of Alec. When he had ordered Alec to take all of his belongings with him from the apartment, Magnus had secretly hoped that he would forget a few of his things. He had even considered hiding some of Alec's things, just to have those small memories. But Alec had taken everything.

Magnus walked over to his fridge to find himself something to eat. But once he opened the door he remembered that he hadn't shopped for groceries since Alec and him had broken up. Grocery shopping wasn't something he'd done before he met Alec, and come to think about it, Magnus wasn't even sure if he had used to own a fridge before they met. He usually just zapped food from one of the nearby restaurants.

He closed the door to the fridge and walked back to the living room. Magnus sat down on his couch, right next to Chairman Meow, and looked around the room and was suddenly shocked. He hadn't changed any of the furniture in two months. The couch he was sitting on at the moment was the exact same couch that he and Alec had fallen asleep on a few days before they broke up. His shelves were the same ones that Alec had kept some of his books on, but now they just looked empty and sad.

Magnus stood up from the couch and almost stepped on the Chairman, who had removed himself from the couch and was now lying right in front of Magnus feet. The Chairman hadn't been acting like himself since Alec left and Magnus had realized a long time ago that both of them missed Alec like crazy.

Magnus walked over to his "office" area and sat down. He couldn't keep acting this way. He was the High Warlock of Brooklyn; he wasn't supposed to feel this terrible over a breakup with one of the Nephilim. But at the same time, Magnus had felt something for Alec that he had never felt with anyone else before, ever. And maybe that was why it had hurt him so much when Alec had tried to take his immortality away.

He knew that Alec had never really intended to go through with it. He also knew how Camille could be, trying to get to know enough about Alec, so that she could have ways to bring him down later. But Alec had still needed time to think about the offer she was giving and he had kept meeting her without even talking to Magnus about it. But Magnus realized that was partly his fault too.

The thing about talking to people about his past, especially people Magnus cared about, was that it almost always scared them away. Magnus had been in love with people in the past, but as soon as he had even told them a tiny bit about his past, they had always run away. And because Magnus really believed that there could be a future for Alec and him, he had tried to keep as much of his past hidden as possible. But he realized that hadn't been as good of a plan as he had hoped.

Alec had told Magnus everything. He had changed his whole life just so that Magnus would see that he really cared about him. And Magnus had seen what Alec was willing to do for him and that had in no way lessened his affection for the Shadowhunter, rather the opposite. But there had always been that small part inside of him saying that no matter how much Alec loved him, he would never be able to love him anymore if he was told about Magnus past. So Magnus hadn't said anything.

Shaking off all thoughts about Alec, Magnus opened one of the drawers to his desk and pulled out some bright purple paper and started working on an invitation to a party.

After about thirty minutes, Magnus had finished an invitation he was halfway proud of. It lacked some of the sparkle that his invitations usually had, but this was a sort of an emergency party so it didn't matter. Magnus really needed something to distract himself with and a party was usually the best option.

He duplicated the invitation and sent the new ones to the most popular werewolf and faerie hangouts. He didn't want to invite any vampires after everything with Camille, and besides, they always ended up ruining his parties in one way or another. His party was better off without any of them.

The last invitation Magnus made sure got stuck to a certain someone's window. He wasn't really sure if Alec would show up or not, but he really wanted to hear what Alec had wanted to talk to him about for the past two months, and maybe they could talk about what had really happened and maybe even make up. Magnus wasn't sure if he should even hope, but he fell asleep that night, certain that the next day would bring something positive.

Magnus woke up the next morning, not understanding how he could have had such positive thoughts the night before. Sure, the idea of Alec coming to his party and them talking about everything that had happened and making up was nice, but it was probably going to stay as just that, an idea. He wasn't even sure if he would be ready to forgive Alec if he came to the party. Magnus could understand why Alec had done the things he'd done, but that didn't mean he was okay with Alec having done them.

Trying to push all of those thoughts away, Magnus started getting everything ready for the party.

He called one of his friends, asking him if he could stay as sort of a doorman at his party, making sure that no one without an invitation came through. His friend had hesitantly said yes, maybe because he had been to a few of Magnus parties in the past and knew how much trouble some of the guests could stir up. Magnus also called in a favour from one of the faerie bands that had played at some of his parties before. Even though he didn't particularly like faerie music, this band wasn't as bad as some of the others.

When there were two hours left until the party, Magnus went into the bathroom to get ready. He wanted to make Alec think that his outfit was a way of sort of apologizing for everything, so he went with a blue sweater that looked like Alec's eyes. He also put on a pair of bright purple jeans to match the flyer he had sent out. Over the sweater Magnus decided to go with a black vest to look like Alec's hair. He did his makeup and hair to match his outfit and finished off with a pair of golden shoes.

The doorbell rang and Magnus took one last look in the mirror before he went out to meet whomever it was that had decided to show up early. It turned out to be the faerie band, arriving a bit earlier to set up all of their stuff. Magnus walked them up to his apartment, making sure they knew exactly where they were supposed to stand and play. He wasn't usually that strict about it, but he really wanted this night to be successful.

After watching the faeries carefully setting up their instruments and yelling at one of them for trying to hide one of Magnus's vases under their drum set, he went down again to greet his friend, Johannes. He didn't exactly look like a guy you wanted to drink tea with, which was one the reasons why he was fitting as a doorman. Magnus explained the spell he had put on the invitations to make sure only the original ones, which he himself had made, had a special mark on them.

Once the guests started arriving, Magnus found himself looking for Alec in every single one of them, but he didn't seem to show up. Thirty minutes after the first guest had arrived, Alec still hadn't showed up and Magnus started losing hope that his ex-boyfriend would ever come. He decided to try and ignore the hurt he felt inside of him and started dancing with random people on the dance floor.

Some of the werewolves and faeries he danced with were pretty cute, and one of the faeries even started flirting with him. Magnus gently declined the guy and went up to another person nearby and started dancing and chatting with her.

A few minutes later, Magnus heard the door open and his head instantly went from the girl he had been talking to and to the person walking through his door. And there he was.

Magnus couldn't even remember Alec being that handsome. He could see that Alec had put more thought into his outfit than what he usually did because both his sweater and jeans showed no signs of any holes. The dark blue sweater really made his beautiful blue eyes stand out and his hair looked like it hadn't been cut in a long time, which, Magnus thought, actually suited Alec.

Magnus felt a sudden pang of sadness looking at Alec. He knew he had missed Alec like crazy, but the feeling just got worse once he actually could see the shadowhunter and not just his name on his phone every night. But he could also feel a strong sense of anger. Magnus was angry with Alec for hurting him the way he had, and never having the guts to answer Magnus every time he answered Alec's calls.

He suddenly felt the urge to hurt Alec in the same way that he had hurt him. Magnus turned to the guy who had tried to flirt with him earlier and winked. The guy took the wink the way Magnus had hoped he would and rushed forward to him. Before Magnus could even say a word, the guy's lips were on his.

The kiss wasn't one of the best Magnus had had and it certainly wasn't even close to anything he'd had with Alec, but it was a distraction. Magnus tried to pour all of the pain and anger he felt into the kiss with this stranger he had never met before and would probably never meet again.

"Magnus?"

Magnus could hear the hurt in Alec's voice and immediately turned around to look at him. Their eyes connected and Magnus regretted the kiss instantly. He was about to take a step forward to Alec, when Alec suddenly ran out the door. Magnus tried to run after him, but all of his guests were standing in the way and by the time he was outside, Alec was nowhere to be seen.

He walked back into his apartment, silently cursing himself for his stupidity and ignoring all the people who were dancing around him .He sat down on his couch and it only took a few seconds before he started shouting at everyone to get out.

At first there were a lot of complaints, but as soon as they saw Magnus and the way he looked at them, they all fell silent. When the guy Magnus had kissed tried to get his number, Magnus just snapped his fingers and a tiny, brown mouse ran out of the apartment.

As soon as the band had packed up all of their stuff, Magnus walked into his room and flung himself onto his bed. He immediately started crying and couldn't make the tears stop. He was so angry with himself for probably ruining every chance he could have had at making things good again with Alec. He had been stupid enough to kiss a stranger just because he had felt a bit angry at the time, and hadn't really thought his actions through. All of the positivity he had felt the previous night was long gone and all he could feel was a big emptiness inside of him.

Magnus fell asleep crying that night.

Magnus woke up the next day, hearing someone knocking on his door. He was still wearing the same clothes he'd worn the day before, but at the moment he couldn't care less. He walked up the door and opened.

Outside of his door stood Jace Herondale, or whatever surname he had decided to use, with a letter in his hands.

"I'm just here to deliver this" Jace said, not looking up at Magnus.

"Who's it from?" Magnus asked, already knowing the answer.

"It's from Santa Clause, who do you think?" Jace answered him, sounding annoyed.

"Why couldn't Alexander deliver it to me himself?" Magnus was pretty sure he knew the answer to that one too, but he just wanted someone to confirm to him what a terrible person he was.

"To be honest, I don't exactly know, but I have a feeling you do. Anyways, I've done as Alec asked me to, so can't you please just take the letter?" Jace sounded even more annoyed with every word he said, and Magnus had a feeling it wasn't all about him having to deliver that letter.

Magnus took the letter from Jace's hands and shut the door after him. Instead of sitting down, Magnus chose to stand whilst reading the letter, which turned out to be a really bad idea. Before he was even halfway through it, he was sobbing like crazy and when his feet gave in, he fell to the floor. He continued reading but his vision got blurrier by every word. When he reached the last five words on the page he felt a sort of exhaustion he had never felt before. He just wanted to lie there, on the floor, and cry his heart out.

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**A/N: Only the letter left to write. If you want to, a review would really make me happy :)**


	3. Letter

**First of all I'd like to thank everyone who's read my story and kept up with it. I can't tell you guys how much it means to me and how much I appreciate it. And also big thanks to those who have reviewed this story :)**

**I'm sorry that I've taken so long to update this but, like Alec, I just ****couldn't seem to get it right. And I don't know if I'm entirely happy with it, but I like how it turned out.**

**I hope you enjoy the last part of this tiny story :)**

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Dear Magnus

I don't really know how to start this letter and I'm not even sure if I want you to read this. I've tried writing these words, these words that I'm not even sure how to make into decent sentences, over and over again but I just can't seem to get them right. So I'll try again.

The thing I should probably start by saying is that I am sorry. I'm sorry about everything I did wrong and all the things that made you break up with me. I'm sorry about Camille, not telling you about her, I'm sorry for actually considering shortening your life and not telling you about that either. But most of all I'm sorry that I wasn't a person you could trust enough to truly open up to.

I'm writing this letter to apologize for everything. And I'm hopefully going to be able to say everything I've been trying to say to you over the phone for the past two months. It's just that every time I hear your voice, it's like all my wounds open up all over again, only that it's ten times worse than when we actually broke up. And I know that it's probably very irritating to have your stupid ex-boyfriend calling you every night, and I'm sorry about that to. But don't worry; I'll try not to contact you again after you get this letter.

First of all I'm going to apologize about going to Camille. I should have listened to you when you told me that she was manipulative and that no good would come out of me listening to her.

It all started of as her telling me that she knew of a way to make me immortal that didn't involve black magic. But when I actually met up with her she started taunting me about being just another one in your collection and then we fought and she admitted that there was no way to make me immortal, but she knew of a way to make you mortal. And she also knew so many things about your past that I didn't. So I started meeting up with her to get to know you better, Magnus.

I did this because I was trying to strengthen our relationship. And I thought that if I knew what people in your past had done wrong, I could avoid those mistakes and stay with you longer. And all of these things ended in a mistake that ruined all of my chances of staying with you.

And I'm very sorry for even considering Camille's offer about making you mortal. The fact that I even considered doing such a big thing as shortening your life makes me understand some of the reasons why you broke up with me. I just didn't want to be another one of your lovers that you wanted to have around for a while and then leave me when I got older. And I didn't tell you about this because I was scared that you would understand what I was talking about and break up with me at once to avoid all of that "in the middle" trouble. I realize now that it was stupid of me to think that way and I'm sorry about that too.

Do you remember when I went to the Seelie queen with Izzy, Simon and Clary? When we were trying to find Jace? Well, the Seelie queen put a glamour on me that made me look and feel really old. And she asked how you would feel about me when I was old and all of my "mortal loveliness" had faded. And that really made me realize that I would grow old and you would still be stuck at looking 19. And that was also one of the reasons why I went to Camille. Either I wanted you to grow old with me, or both of us staying young. But I see now that that choice is up to both of us and not just me, and I apologize for being so selfish.

But the thing about all of this is that I can't blame myself fully for everything, because it feels like some of this is partly your fault. Because I told you everything about me! I told you all of these things that I didn't even dare to tell Isabelle and Jace. I opened myself up to you and you never even told me where you were born! And when I understood all of these things it felt like you didn't even love me enough to return how I felt. And it didn't exactly help me that Camille told me you would get tired of me sooner because I was so open with you.

I understand that there are some parts of your past that you'd like to keep hidden, and that's okay. But I had at least hoped that you could have told me a few things. But as it turned out, that was not the case.

I'm sorry if it seems like I'm trying to make this your fault, which is really not the case. I know that all of this is my fault; I'm just trying to explain why I did what I did. Not that there are excuses enough in this world to make that okay.

The last thing I'd like to tell you is that I know you've moved on. I saw evidence of that at your party. But I'm just not quite sure if I'm ready to do that. I don't know if I'll ever be ready to move on from you Magnus. I still love you so much. And whatever happens, I know that some piece of my heart will always belong to you. And I really hope that you can find someone that makes you happy.

I read somewhere once that if you really love someone you will put his or her happiness above your own. And that's what I'm doing. Even if it hurts me as much as it does to write this letter, I want you to be happy Magnus.

I will always love you

-_Alec Lightwood  
_Alexander Lightwood

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**Again, thank you to everyone who has read this story. Virtual chocolate chip cookies to all of you :)**

**And I don't know if anyone is interested but since I said that this fic was sort of based on the song 'Like We Used To' I decided to include the songs I was listening to while I wrote this:  
Like We Used To - A Rocket To The Moon  
Miserable At Best & The Memory - Mayday Parade  
Forever and Always & Last Kiss - Taylor Swift  
When You're Gone & Wish You Were Here - Avril Lavigne  
What About Me - Emily Osment  
I'm Not That Girl - The 2003 cast of Wicked/Idina Menzel  
Another Now - Kate Alexa**


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